Vulnerability or security?

You ever waited for something your whole life and when you get it you don’t know what to do with it? Speaking in concrete terms perhaps you figure out fairly quick how this object should be utilized. However in the abstract arena how do you weather? On more times than one I’ve proclaimed a need for love and when the time of “getting involved” with someone arose, I scurried away every time. I think my logic was this: “well I’m a great catch and have the potential to be an amazing wife sooooo let the journey begin!”. Um right now, I’ll go ahead and tell myself to sit it down! Each time I’ve kept such a guard up that one couldn’t even tell if I was interested, yes that may seem like a smart play, dodging vulnerability and future hurt, problem is they tend to run away before I would even have the time to run them off. But in time I did let one young man in and we had an interesting two year “stab” at a relationship that ultimately failed for a number of reasons which I shall not define. However in the following “dating situation” I never gave the gentleman the chance of giving me everything I wanted and everything I knew he would provide considering that he falls quick..and falls hard. Maybe I was still resentful from the previous affair or maybe I didn’t feel the chemistry, whichever reason I walked away. So the question I’m faced with at 1:27AM Memorial Monday Morning is simple yet complex: who am I? Within that lies more..what do I want? Do I truly want a forever relationship right now or do I want the single life I already have? Both scenarios have their pros and cons and in all honesty I have my reservations about either. I guess the best way to solve the issue is to simply wait, that’s what I have faith for. Whenever something is meant to be, I know it’ll be. So long as my priorities are straight, I’m ok. A man will be a priority in my life when he is meant to be one, and at the present time he just isn’t. Good things come to those who wait, and my goal is to be more patient.

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