Good Black Men and Quality Black Women; Why the Duo is a Rarity

I’m no relationship counselor, never have been, doubt I ever will be, however I do have a few observations…

“Quality” black women often complain that the “good” black men are either non-existent or have some fatal flaw.  Black men often do the same, with the foundation that black women drive them away.  While there are often black men and women who prove the stereotypes correct, there is the majority that are genuinely willing to reconsider their selfish ways and compromise.  Which brings me to my point, COMPROMISE is perhaps the biggest component of a relationship.  Compromise fathers a man’s need [respect] in relation to a woman’s need [love].  Granted, no one  knows which comes first, like the chicken and the egg, but when a man is respected by his lady, he will show her love, and when shown genuine love, she will respect him.  The problem therefore, comes when COMPETITION is confused with this compromise.  Because men have a natural drive to be respected and the head of the house, he will get it or leave.  A relatively independent woman, however, feels that by standing aside and letting a man do what she unconsciously needs him to do, she is relinquishing control of the situation and herself.  Problem.  Why involve a man in your life if  he compliments you not?  What is the purpose of his presence in your life if one makes his presence invalid, or useless?  Granted, the initial act of independence is expected, but at some point a man needs to feel needed and respected.  While a few men do settle and allow these characteristics to manifest, most men will walk away from this “quality black woman”.  And these women question the men, calling them afraid, intimidated, etc. while the real question may be how much quality one can have if they can’t recognize essential functions of a man, the compromise of a woman, and the intent of a relationship.  When a woman can stand next to, and even behind her man (perhaps as protection), she’ll get the love she needs, and the power of a meaningful relationship.